So, it's been two years. It's scary how fast time flies. I'd like to think that I've changed, that I've become a better person. But I don't know. It's sad to say that I haven't. I'm still a coward who's terrified of speaking in public. I'm still constantly worried about my future. I haven't improved my relationship with God (in fact, I think it's gotten worse). And I'm still a loner in college. I spend most of my time alone. And dare I say I'm more of a loner in college compared to when I'm in high school. Even though college is supposed to be a place where you meet lots of different people. Well, you do. But it's actually harder to retain friendships in college. You don't spend a lot of time together and you're not forced to spend time together (unlike in school where you're forced to meet the same faces everyday for a year).
I've realized something. I know why I wasn't consistent in writing in this blog. It's because I always think in tangents. I don't have a specific topic to write about so I end up blabbering nonsense about nothing and everything and then when I re-read what I wrote, I hate it and I don't post it.
Ok I've decided. I'm going to post this. And I'm going to write more in the future and post it, I promise. It doesn't matter if I think in tangents. It doesn't matter if it doesn't make any sense and it doesn't matter if no one reads my posts. I'm going to write and post anything I want. Yeah. I'll do that.
So I just finished a call with my friend who's in Guangzhou now. Before that I was talking to two of my friends who's studying in the UK and I kind of made a promise with one of them to start writing again this year. We kind of turned it into a challenge to write at least one post a month. We'll see how that goes.
Back to my friend who's in Guangzhou now. She has some issues with her visa application so she can't come back to Malaysia at the moment. Now you might wonder how I'm friends with such a person. I believe she's 100% Malaysian by heart. But unfortunately she's not a citizen of Malaysia, legally, which sucks because she's so much more Malaysian than any Malaysian I know. I tried helping her ask for citizenship at the Immigration once, but they refused her application saying she's not working yet. Not trying to be racist tapi aku tak tahu macam mana orang2 indon and bangla senang sangat dapat kewarganegaraan. My friend was born in Malaysia and she grew up in Malaysia and have been living in Malaysia all her life. Why is it so hard to get citizenship??
She used to study ACCA at Sunway. That's how I'm friends with her. She already passed all her papers and is now currently job hunting but she had to go back to China for a while because of visa issues. I really wish I could help but there's only so much I can do. I can only pray for her now. I really hope she gets a job in Malaysia and can continue living here. And I hope she can get her Malaysian citizenship soon too.
Anyway, the new semester starts in 2 days. Yeah, my friend finished ACCA and I'm still stuck for another semester. I hope I don't drag this on for too long.
Today is the first day of the new year and I'm feeling hopeful and terrified of what's to come. I'm not going to post my new year's resolution here or anywhere because it's lame (not like I have that many). Oh, and I'm excited to vote for the first time this year.
That's all I guess for the first post since 2015 lol.
I hope 2018 treats everyone and myself well. Ameen.
