What's wrong with falling down?
You can always stand up again.
When I look up at the sky after falling down
I can see that the sky is stretching limitlessly
the sky is smiling at me
and I truly realize
I'm alive
Friday, November 27, 2015
Monday, November 23, 2015
Everyday blessings.
For the eyes I get to open today
the legs I used to walk to class
the hands I moved to write my notes
the fresh air I breathe without having to pay anything
the smiles my family gives me
the concern looks my friends offer when exams are around the corner
the roof that shelters me from sun and rain
the food and water I can swallow
the endless sky I get to see
and sometimes the unexpected kindness from strangers
Alhamdulillah
Thank you Allah.
the legs I used to walk to class
the hands I moved to write my notes
the fresh air I breathe without having to pay anything
the smiles my family gives me
the concern looks my friends offer when exams are around the corner
the roof that shelters me from sun and rain
the food and water I can swallow
the endless sky I get to see
and sometimes the unexpected kindness from strangers
Alhamdulillah
Thank you Allah.
Tuesday, November 17, 2015
Live on.
I really don't want to say things like
I want to go back to how things were before
People shouldn't dwell on the past
It's enough to try your best for all that you're doing right now
That's why
I'll recognize who I am right now
and I will continue to live on
I want to go back to how things were before
People shouldn't dwell on the past
It's enough to try your best for all that you're doing right now
That's why
I'll recognize who I am right now
and I will continue to live on
Monday, October 12, 2015
Glad tidings.
Sometimes
I feel
sad
unmotivated
jealous
unappreciated
suffocated
stressed
and
lost in the crowd
but
"And give good tidings to those who believe and do righteous deeds that they will have gardens [in Paradise] beneath which rivers flow. Whenever they are provided with a provision of fruit therefrom, they will say, "This is what we were provided with before." And it is given to them in likeness. And they will have therein purified spouses, and they will abide therein eternally." (al-Quran 2:25)
I feel
sad
unmotivated
jealous
unappreciated
suffocated
stressed
and
lost in the crowd
but
"And give good tidings to those who believe and do righteous deeds that they will have gardens [in Paradise] beneath which rivers flow. Whenever they are provided with a provision of fruit therefrom, they will say, "This is what we were provided with before." And it is given to them in likeness. And they will have therein purified spouses, and they will abide therein eternally." (al-Quran 2:25)
Wednesday, September 16, 2015
Words.
I'm not good with words.
Really, I'm not.
I'm the type of person that has to think hard about what to say before I say them.
That's why whenever someone's having a conversation with me,
there's always an unusual amount of awkward silences.
Yesterday, I was in a conversation with my junior and I was trying to explain something very important to her. But because I had an exam earlier and my mind was preoccupied with all the tax computation and gratuities, reliefs, deductions, exemptions, capital allowances, definitions etc.. I didn't exactly had enough time to think about what to say to my junior. So I ended up just telling her whatever that pops up in my head about the subject matter. I didn't realize she was so sharp until she told me, "Kenapa Kak Tiqah macam serabut sangat ni?" She said it while smiling and it really caught me off guard. I didn't think I was that obvious. So I dismissed her question and told her she was imagining it and maybe I was just tired from the exam and I quickly changed the subject, or continued what we were talking about to be exact. But the whole time I was with her, she actually told me three times that I looked 'serabut'. And I swear I was trying my hardest to laugh and say noooooo I'm not why do you keep saying that.
It made me think and truly understand that I'm seriously not good with words. I hate being caught off guard. I hate when people suddenly ask about my opinion (If you do happen to ask me, please give me time to think about it haha. It's not that I don't have a stand but I just need time to put it into words). And I don't know if this is really related, but I especially hate impromptu speeches.
Needless to say, I'm an introvert through and through. Sometimes I'm proud of it and sometimes I'm not. Nevertheless, I like myself the way I am. To be honest, for me, it took a lot of time to appreciate myself because most of the time, I'm secretly questioning my personality and behavior, like why am I like this and why did I say that etc but what I did to overcome this is that I observe and appreciate other people and realize that everyone else is so unique and different and eventually come to the conclusion that I'm not so bad myself.
Really, I'm not.
I'm the type of person that has to think hard about what to say before I say them.
That's why whenever someone's having a conversation with me,
there's always an unusual amount of awkward silences.
Yesterday, I was in a conversation with my junior and I was trying to explain something very important to her. But because I had an exam earlier and my mind was preoccupied with all the tax computation and gratuities, reliefs, deductions, exemptions, capital allowances, definitions etc.. I didn't exactly had enough time to think about what to say to my junior. So I ended up just telling her whatever that pops up in my head about the subject matter. I didn't realize she was so sharp until she told me, "Kenapa Kak Tiqah macam serabut sangat ni?" She said it while smiling and it really caught me off guard. I didn't think I was that obvious. So I dismissed her question and told her she was imagining it and maybe I was just tired from the exam and I quickly changed the subject, or continued what we were talking about to be exact. But the whole time I was with her, she actually told me three times that I looked 'serabut'. And I swear I was trying my hardest to laugh and say noooooo I'm not why do you keep saying that.
It made me think and truly understand that I'm seriously not good with words. I hate being caught off guard. I hate when people suddenly ask about my opinion (If you do happen to ask me, please give me time to think about it haha. It's not that I don't have a stand but I just need time to put it into words). And I don't know if this is really related, but I especially hate impromptu speeches.
Needless to say, I'm an introvert through and through. Sometimes I'm proud of it and sometimes I'm not. Nevertheless, I like myself the way I am. To be honest, for me, it took a lot of time to appreciate myself because most of the time, I'm secretly questioning my personality and behavior, like why am I like this and why did I say that etc but what I did to overcome this is that I observe and appreciate other people and realize that everyone else is so unique and different and eventually come to the conclusion that I'm not so bad myself.
Saturday, September 5, 2015
Ruang.
Do you ever feel lost sometimes?
Like you don't belong where you are right now.
Be it with your family or your friends or your classmates or where you're studying or working?
And you feel like you just need to back off a little bit
to find and fit into your own space.
I'm kind of feeling like that right now.
Like you don't belong where you are right now.
Be it with your family or your friends or your classmates or where you're studying or working?
And you feel like you just need to back off a little bit
to find and fit into your own space.
I'm kind of feeling like that right now.
Sunday, February 22, 2015
Late bloomers.
I think everybody has their strengths and weaknesses.
Even the most perfect people that we think are perfect
they're not.
Everybody has something they're not good at.
There are people that are less talented than you
but work harder than you.
You have to let go of all the other things that are holding you back
Like your confidence
what other people think of you
your past
or your uncertain future
Don't worry about those things
Just do it.
'Cause some people learn late
Some people are late bloomers in certain things
sometimes even in things that they have to do.
That's why
you just have to work harder to get there.
Even the most perfect people that we think are perfect
they're not.
Everybody has something they're not good at.
There are people that are less talented than you
but work harder than you.
You have to let go of all the other things that are holding you back
Like your confidence
what other people think of you
your past
or your uncertain future
Don't worry about those things
Just do it.
'Cause some people learn late
Some people are late bloomers in certain things
sometimes even in things that they have to do.
That's why
you just have to work harder to get there.
Saturday, September 27, 2014
Tripped.
We feared a future we couldn't see
tripped over our past
and had doubts
Even so..
how on earth
would we manage
to get to where we are
without a single misstep?
tripped over our past
and had doubts
Even so..
how on earth
would we manage
to get to where we are
without a single misstep?
Monday, September 22, 2014
Overwhelmed.
It all happened so fast that I still can't even comprehend it.
Last 2 Fridays, abah called and told me that Yasayan Peneraju Pendidikan Bumiputera was recruiting students to apply for their PPAM (Peneraju Professional Akauntan Muda) programme . I was like 'what? kena ke?' but my wonderful dad tried to convince me that it was a good opportunity and insists that I try it out. So I did. And the thing he most emphasized on was that 'elaun sebulan rm550 you know'. You see, my dad is kind of in a financially tight situation right now since my sister who's currently studying in Melbourne, doing her Masters, was not able to land a scholarhship (so terpaksa self-sponsor). But my sister is planning to pay back kat ayah aku la bila dah kerja nanti. And maybe dia akan cuba cari scholarship lain while studying.
So ok la, aku ikut cakap ayah aku and tried to understand and like he said, it is a good oppurtunity. Weekend tu, kumpul2 documents semua and terus submit. Hari selasa terus dipanggil interview. There was also an English and Maths assessment test. Lepas interview dia terus bagi result. and whaddaya know. I got it (alhamdulillah). Interview tu serious tak macam interview sangat. Org tu yang banyak cakap. Aku hanya mengiyakan. haha
Candidates ada 4 je and semua dapat. Takde competition I guess and peneraju memang nak orang kot. Actually based on my observation, not many malays are willing to study in Sunway la, even on a scholarship. Sebab memang mostly chinese and sangat sosial (based on my 3 days experience here haha). They're not bad people. Tapi disebabkan aku ni ex-iium, so nampak ketara sangat la perbezaan dia. Aku ada jumpe scholar Mara, studying the same programme as me tapi dia June intake. Dia kata Mara ada bagi offer buat ACCA kat sunway kat 11 orang tak silap and only 4 people accepted. nampak tak?
Anyway, after the interview, I had to quickly make a decision to accept the offer or not. Trust me, I thought a lot about it, malam tu pon tidur pukul 3. Aku fikir yang aku patut accept la because its ACCA man. jangan main2. almost fully sponsored, dapat kurangkan beban ayah aku haha. and I also kind of want to try out at a new place. Rasa macam uia tu comfort zone sangat. Dah la dapat 2 tahun foundation, laaagi la relax. Ok bukan la tak bersyukur tapiiii ntah la susah nak cakap. Aku takut jadi spoiled you know, nanti masuk degree terkejut pulak. The next day, aku skip kelas accounting, pergi CFS one stop centre untuk settlekan things utk withdraw. That took a few days jugak. Kena jumpa department tu department ni. And elaun yang dapat untuk sem ni kena bayar balik T_T sbb tak habis sem lagi. Redha je . Hari jumaat tu, pergi outing dengan classmates (tak pernah pergi outing dengan diorang ok haha). Salam2, peluk2, tangkap2 gambar. Esoknya terus ciao. T_T
the next week on Monday, datang Sunway, settlekan agreement semua. Then on Wednesday baru masuk dia punya hostel and ada orientation dia sekali. Masa tengahari tu Accounting Club ada buat ice breaking sikit la untuk new intake ni. Main game je memanjang. Aku rasa macam mengarut gila, Suruh menari, menyanyi, punishment game kena chicken dance, main rock-paper-scissors, duduk laki pompuan dekat2. I was like, OKAAAAY.. Ada la part yang interesting, but in the end rasa useless jugak. Tak berkesan untuk memecahkan ice sangat pon.
On Thursday dah start kelas. Class aku ada 14 orang and 3 orang je Melayu. 4 Indian and the rest are Chinese. They're very nice, friendly and hard-working people. Tapi mungkin ice tu belum betul2 break lagi..
For those who don't know, ACCA stands for Association of Chartered Certified Accountant. but because I don't officially have any basics in Accounting (belajar sikit2 kat UIA je), kena ambil CAT (Certified Accounting Technician) dulu which is like Foundation in Accounting. Selalunya ACCA ni orang ambil lepas degree. Tapi takpe la, tak perlu ikut orang kan. ACCA is actually not a degree but almost the same level. If you want a degree, you have to get good results then they'll let you write a thesis to be submitted to Oxford Brookes University so kalau ok, boleh dapat degree drpd Oxford Brookes tu la, iAllah.
Benda yang paling sedih untuk tinggalkan kat UIA is tarbiyyah and suasana dia. Kat UIA program2 tarbiyyah almost setiap malam ada. Tak susah nak cari. And suasana dia buat kau nak jadi baik. Sentiasa akan ada support. Not that kat Sunway is the opposite tapi frequency dia memang undeniably kurang. Kena pandai jaga diri. Tapi ye la, in life, when you get something, for some reason, you're sure to lose something else. You just can't have everything. And that is for the best. Sunatullah. Allah knows what He's doing since He created us and He knows what's best for us.
Aku harapkan satu je bila pindah ni, supaya aku, islam, dakwah dan tarbiyyah takkan terpisah. Because without Allah, without islam, without tarbiyyah, anything else won't have any meaning. Jadi aku sangat2 berharap supaya aku tak lalai, tak futur dan tak sampai satu tahap dimana aku rasa terbeban untuk meneruskan dakwah dan tarbiyyah. Ameen!
Last 2 Fridays, abah called and told me that Yasayan Peneraju Pendidikan Bumiputera was recruiting students to apply for their PPAM (Peneraju Professional Akauntan Muda) programme . I was like 'what? kena ke?' but my wonderful dad tried to convince me that it was a good opportunity and insists that I try it out. So I did. And the thing he most emphasized on was that 'elaun sebulan rm550 you know'. You see, my dad is kind of in a financially tight situation right now since my sister who's currently studying in Melbourne, doing her Masters, was not able to land a scholarhship (so terpaksa self-sponsor). But my sister is planning to pay back kat ayah aku la bila dah kerja nanti. And maybe dia akan cuba cari scholarship lain while studying.
So ok la, aku ikut cakap ayah aku and tried to understand and like he said, it is a good oppurtunity. Weekend tu, kumpul2 documents semua and terus submit. Hari selasa terus dipanggil interview. There was also an English and Maths assessment test. Lepas interview dia terus bagi result. and whaddaya know. I got it (alhamdulillah). Interview tu serious tak macam interview sangat. Org tu yang banyak cakap. Aku hanya mengiyakan. haha
Candidates ada 4 je and semua dapat. Takde competition I guess and peneraju memang nak orang kot. Actually based on my observation, not many malays are willing to study in Sunway la, even on a scholarship. Sebab memang mostly chinese and sangat sosial (based on my 3 days experience here haha). They're not bad people. Tapi disebabkan aku ni ex-iium, so nampak ketara sangat la perbezaan dia. Aku ada jumpe scholar Mara, studying the same programme as me tapi dia June intake. Dia kata Mara ada bagi offer buat ACCA kat sunway kat 11 orang tak silap and only 4 people accepted. nampak tak?
Anyway, after the interview, I had to quickly make a decision to accept the offer or not. Trust me, I thought a lot about it, malam tu pon tidur pukul 3. Aku fikir yang aku patut accept la because its ACCA man. jangan main2. almost fully sponsored, dapat kurangkan beban ayah aku haha. and I also kind of want to try out at a new place. Rasa macam uia tu comfort zone sangat. Dah la dapat 2 tahun foundation, laaagi la relax. Ok bukan la tak bersyukur tapiiii ntah la susah nak cakap. Aku takut jadi spoiled you know, nanti masuk degree terkejut pulak. The next day, aku skip kelas accounting, pergi CFS one stop centre untuk settlekan things utk withdraw. That took a few days jugak. Kena jumpa department tu department ni. And elaun yang dapat untuk sem ni kena bayar balik T_T sbb tak habis sem lagi. Redha je . Hari jumaat tu, pergi outing dengan classmates (tak pernah pergi outing dengan diorang ok haha). Salam2, peluk2, tangkap2 gambar. Esoknya terus ciao. T_T
the next week on Monday, datang Sunway, settlekan agreement semua. Then on Wednesday baru masuk dia punya hostel and ada orientation dia sekali. Masa tengahari tu Accounting Club ada buat ice breaking sikit la untuk new intake ni. Main game je memanjang. Aku rasa macam mengarut gila, Suruh menari, menyanyi, punishment game kena chicken dance, main rock-paper-scissors, duduk laki pompuan dekat2. I was like, OKAAAAY.. Ada la part yang interesting, but in the end rasa useless jugak. Tak berkesan untuk memecahkan ice sangat pon.
On Thursday dah start kelas. Class aku ada 14 orang and 3 orang je Melayu. 4 Indian and the rest are Chinese. They're very nice, friendly and hard-working people. Tapi mungkin ice tu belum betul2 break lagi..
For those who don't know, ACCA stands for Association of Chartered Certified Accountant. but because I don't officially have any basics in Accounting (belajar sikit2 kat UIA je), kena ambil CAT (Certified Accounting Technician) dulu which is like Foundation in Accounting. Selalunya ACCA ni orang ambil lepas degree. Tapi takpe la, tak perlu ikut orang kan. ACCA is actually not a degree but almost the same level. If you want a degree, you have to get good results then they'll let you write a thesis to be submitted to Oxford Brookes University so kalau ok, boleh dapat degree drpd Oxford Brookes tu la, iAllah.
Benda yang paling sedih untuk tinggalkan kat UIA is tarbiyyah and suasana dia. Kat UIA program2 tarbiyyah almost setiap malam ada. Tak susah nak cari. And suasana dia buat kau nak jadi baik. Sentiasa akan ada support. Not that kat Sunway is the opposite tapi frequency dia memang undeniably kurang. Kena pandai jaga diri. Tapi ye la, in life, when you get something, for some reason, you're sure to lose something else. You just can't have everything. And that is for the best. Sunatullah. Allah knows what He's doing since He created us and He knows what's best for us.
Aku harapkan satu je bila pindah ni, supaya aku, islam, dakwah dan tarbiyyah takkan terpisah. Because without Allah, without islam, without tarbiyyah, anything else won't have any meaning. Jadi aku sangat2 berharap supaya aku tak lalai, tak futur dan tak sampai satu tahap dimana aku rasa terbeban untuk meneruskan dakwah dan tarbiyyah. Ameen!
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
Average.
but I don't want to be grouped with the people who don't have dreams
I'm not a risk-taker
but I don't want to be someone
who regrets the chances they've missed
I avoid conflicts
and regard myself as a peace-maker
but sometimes I still can't control my anger
I love my family
and I have great friends
but what if this becomes a wall that makes me
unable to understand the people who don't have a family
and are deprived of having friends?
I consider myself a good listener
but I don't have a good sense of humor
I don't know lah. I feel like I'm so average sometimes you know haha. Maybe not even sometimes. Dalam semua aspek dalam hidup aku ni prestasi aku selalu kat tengah2 je. Kadang2 aku kesah jugak, tapi most of the times tak la kot maybe because I don't even like to stand out.
Kat sekolah pon sama, kat universiti pon sama. When I think I'm good at something, mesti ada orang yang jauuuuuh lebih baik. Macam baru2 ni, dapat result untuk midterm test accounting, aku macam waaah tak pernah aku dapat markah setinggi ni (kecuali pendidikan agama islam la kot haha) pestu pap2 kawan aku dapat 100 woi. Tapi tu contoh je la. Takde pape pon sebenarnye. haha yang membezakan kita hanyalah taqwa kan? Tapi bab taqwa pon aku average masalahnyaaa. Part ni je yang tak boleh nak tak kesah kan?
Semalam pergi liqa usrah kolej punya and ada sorang akak ni dia belaja DQ tahun lepas. So dia first year jugak tapi 19 tahun. Dalam usrah kitorang tu dia jadi mutarabbi jugak la. Tapi bila murabbi tanya pendapat ke apa, jawapan dia perghh kencang, quote hadis la ayat Quran semua. And dia sangat sangat sangat humble. Each time dia bersuara walaupon quote ayat Quran dan hadis (bahasa Arab dia sekali tau! ) , lepas dia habis cakap, dia akan giggle pestu cakap 'eh ni pendapat je'. Kita pon boleh rasa yang sebenarnya dia rasa apa2 yang dia cakap tu bukan drpd dia tapi Allah yang mengizinkan dia untuk cakap macam tu. Dia sendiri pon cakap yang bila dia dah keluar drpd DQ dia ada amanah utk sampaikan apa yang dia dah dapat.
So kaitan dia... mungkin aku kena hafal lebih banyak hadis and ayat Quran kot?
...
haha maaf. thoughts aku haywire sikit hari ni.
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