I'm not good with words.
Really, I'm not.
I'm the type of person that has to think hard about what to say before I say them.
That's why whenever someone's having a conversation with me,
there's always an unusual amount of awkward silences.
Yesterday, I was in a conversation with my junior and I was trying to explain something very important to her. But because I had an exam earlier and my mind was preoccupied with all the tax computation and gratuities, reliefs, deductions, exemptions, capital allowances, definitions etc.. I didn't exactly had enough time to think about what to say to my junior. So I ended up just telling her whatever that pops up in my head about the subject matter. I didn't realize she was so sharp until she told me, "Kenapa Kak Tiqah macam serabut sangat ni?" She said it while smiling and it really caught me off guard. I didn't think I was that obvious. So I dismissed her question and told her she was imagining it and maybe I was just tired from the exam and I quickly changed the subject, or continued what we were talking about to be exact. But the whole time I was with her, she actually told me three times that I looked 'serabut'. And I swear I was trying my hardest to laugh and say noooooo I'm not why do you keep saying that.
It made me think and truly understand that I'm seriously not good with words. I hate being caught off guard. I hate when people suddenly ask about my opinion (If you do happen to ask me, please give me time to think about it haha. It's not that I don't have a stand but I just need time to put it into words). And I don't know if this is really related, but I especially hate impromptu speeches.
Needless to say, I'm an introvert through and through. Sometimes I'm proud of it and sometimes I'm not. Nevertheless, I like myself the way I am. To be honest, for me, it took a lot of time to appreciate myself because most of the time, I'm secretly questioning my personality and behavior, like why am I like this and why did I say that etc but what I did to overcome this is that I observe and appreciate other people and realize that everyone else is so unique and different and eventually come to the conclusion that I'm not so bad myself.
