Limitless.

What's wrong with falling down?
You can always stand up again.
When I look up at the sky after falling down
I can see that the sky is stretching limitlessly
the sky is smiling at me
and I truly realize
I'm alive

Everyday blessings.

For the eyes I get to open today
the legs I used to walk to class
the hands I moved to write my notes
the fresh air I breathe without having to pay anything
the smiles my family gives me
the concern looks my friends offer when exams are around the corner
the roof that shelters me from sun and rain
the food and water I can swallow
the endless sky I get to see
and sometimes the unexpected kindness from strangers

Alhamdulillah
Thank you Allah.

Live on.

I really don't want to say things like
I want to go back to how things were before
People shouldn't dwell on the past
It's enough to try your best for all that you're doing right now
That's why
I'll recognize who I am right now
and I will continue to live on

Glad tidings.

Sometimes
I feel
sad
unmotivated
jealous
unappreciated
suffocated
stressed

and

lost in the crowd

but

"And give good tidings to those who believe and do righteous deeds that they will have gardens [in Paradise] beneath which rivers flow. Whenever they are provided with a provision of fruit therefrom, they will say, "This is what we were provided with before." And it is given to them in likeness. And they will have therein purified spouses, and they will abide therein eternally." (al-Quran 2:25)

Words.

I'm not good with words.
Really, I'm not.

I'm the type of person that has to think hard about what to say before I say them.
That's why whenever someone's having a conversation with me,
there's always an unusual amount of awkward silences.

Yesterday, I was in a conversation with my junior and I was trying to explain something very important to her. But because I had an exam earlier and my mind was preoccupied with all the tax computation and gratuities, reliefs, deductions, exemptions, capital allowances, definitions etc.. I didn't exactly had enough time to think about what to say to my junior. So I ended up just telling her whatever that pops up in my head about the subject matter. I didn't realize she was so sharp until she told me, "Kenapa Kak Tiqah macam serabut sangat ni?" She said it while smiling and it really caught me off guard. I didn't think I was that obvious. So I dismissed her question and told her she was imagining it and maybe I was just tired from the exam and I quickly changed the subject, or continued what we were talking about to be exact. But the whole time I was with her, she actually told me three times that I looked 'serabut'. And I swear I was trying my hardest to laugh and say noooooo I'm not why do you keep saying that.

It made me think and truly understand that I'm seriously not good with words. I hate being caught off guard. I hate when people suddenly ask about my opinion (If you do happen to ask me, please give me time to think about it haha. It's not that I don't have a stand but I just need time to put it into words). And I don't know if this is really related, but I especially hate impromptu speeches.

Needless to say, I'm an introvert through and through. Sometimes I'm proud of it and sometimes I'm not. Nevertheless, I like myself the way I am. To be honest, for me, it took a lot of time to appreciate myself because most of the time, I'm secretly questioning my personality and behavior, like why am I like this and why did I say that etc but what I did to overcome this is that I observe and appreciate other people and realize that everyone else is so unique and different and eventually come to the conclusion that I'm not so bad myself.

Ruang.

Do you ever feel lost sometimes?
Like you don't belong where you are right now.
Be it with your family or your friends or your classmates or where you're studying or working?
And you feel like you just need to back off a little bit
to find and fit into your own space.

I'm kind of feeling like that right now.

Late bloomers.

I think everybody has their strengths and weaknesses.
Even the most perfect people that we think are perfect
they're not.
Everybody has something they're not good at.
There are people that are less talented than you
but work harder than you.

You have to let go of all the other things that are holding you back
Like your confidence
what other people think of you
your past
or your uncertain future

Don't worry about those things
Just do it.

'Cause some people learn late
Some people are late bloomers in certain things
sometimes even in things that they have to do.

That's why
you just have to work harder to get there.