I have been married for 10 months and these are just some of my feelings at the moment. Kind of regretted I didn't start writing sooner about this journey.
I love it. 10/10 would recommend. I'm so proud of myself for cherishing and taking care of myself before marriage by not getting into relationships and doing questionable things eventho a lot of couple things are being normalised these days. I think I still had some strong principles left in me even after what happened with that one guy in college. In fact I think it was because of what happened that I held more tightly to my principles after that. I’m happy and grateful that Allah granted me a husband who also was never involved in any haram relationships. Alhamdulillah we don't have any exes to worry or feel anxious about.
Marriage is so beautiful. I take comfort in the fact that everything good I do for my husband, I get pahala for it. It's so nice to have someone I can be so manja with and not be judged. We both act like babies with each other and I feel so giddy. During the first few months, I never want to separate from him. I rarely fall back asleep after subuh just so I can stare at him and be awake and cuddle with him a little longer. I still love to stare and cuddle but it's not so obsessive now haha.
My husband is so kind. He doesn't yell at me, he’s compassionate, he’s so patient with me, always does what I ask, he gives me so much, he gives me money as much as he’s able and I’m just a sucker for effort. It’d be nice if he does things without me telling him what to do but I’ve come to terms with that (seems it's a guy thing? Idk) and appreciate and I’m happy that at least he does what I ask.
I try to cook for him as much as I can but I'm still insecure about the frequency of when I cook for him. Maybe it's a culture thing or gender role thing. He doesn't mind or at least he says he doesn't but it still bothers me a lot when people ask ‘dah pandai masak ke?’ ‘masak apa untuk suami?’ ‘Bulan puasa buka mana? Masak ke?’. It's so annoying. I don't know if it's just me but this is something I struggle with and I don't know how to navigate it in the future especially with a baby coming along. I’ll just try my best I guess.
Of course our marriage isn't perfect but currently (and in the future too inshaAllah) I’m very content with it. I love going to sleep with my husband by my side. I love waking up next to him. I love that we always try to pray jamaah together. I love showing affection and receiving it in return. I love that I get to say I love you, sorry and thank you. I love waiting for him to come back from work (since I work from home, I mostly do all the waiting haha). I love appreciating him and I love being appreciated.
I like him before we got married but I wasn't in love with him. We didn't go on dates and only met in person three times before getting married. Some people might say its risky or stupid to marry a guy when you don't love him and probably didn't know him much at the time, but I was also surprised and proud of myself because I put my WHOLE trust in Allah. I just did what I could to get to know him better and left the rest to Allah. I tried to firmly believe that love comes from Allah. I remember praying everyday for Allah to give me the feeling of love towards my husband after marriage and Alhamdulillah my prayers are answered because I love him so much now! Even the thought of losing him makes me tear up sometimes, I pray we last until jannah and I pray our marriage is full of love, sakinah, mawaddah and rahmah until we die. I pray we reunite in jannah. I pray we don't die too far apart from each other’s death so that one one of us wont feel lonely for too long.
