Decisions.

I have to decide
It's either one or the other
I'm given two choices
but I kind of want the third one
I know I shouldn't expect too much
rather
I should hope for the best
but what's the difference, really?

Her.

Everything I do
reminds me of her

We used to have conversations
that ran deep
like the rivers
after each seasonal monsoon

Now
there's almost no words to be spoken
no thoughts to come across
with every attempt
at every corner
only an awkward smile
and silence
greets me

Getting ready.

I'll just brace myself for whatever Allah has planned for me.

But it doesn't mean I'll stop trying.

Whatever comes, I'll face it head on.

I have to.

Selayaknya.

manusia
penuh dengan khilaf
tiada yang sempurna
kerana sempurna itu hanya milik Dia
tetapi ketidaksempurnaan itu bukan sebab
untuk terus-terusan berbuat salah.

mungkin salah itu terbuat
kerana jahilnya dia
maka bantulah
itu yang selayaknya
bukan menghukum
bukan juga menilai
itu bukan kerja kita
tapi kerja Dia

Trying.

The moment I sat eyes on this quote, I instantly felt bad about the times when I felt like face-punching the people who are more blessed than me be but were complaining that it wasn't enough on facebook.

Still struggling with the whole 'be grateful, Allah planned it for you' thing.

Ya Allah, permudahkanlah.

Hope.

Dear me,

I tell you to keep going
not because it's easy
not because it doesn't hurt
but that's just life
to stop is to die

Life is in motion
every day is a new day
each moment is a new moment to experience
a chance to come back
to get it right

I tell you to keep going
not because everyone else is doing it
not because others expect you to
I tell you to keep going
because this is your life
no one is in control of it except you

Allah has indeed
planned your life for you
but that's no excuse
for you to not plan your own life

Go
make mistakes
because to make mistakes
is to learn
and to learn
is to live

If you wake up tomorrow
be grateful
for He has given you another chance
to set things right
He is telling you
that hope is alive
so rejoice
because hope
is the only thing
stronger than fear.

******************

So yeah, result SPM nak keluar dah in less than 48 hours. I can say that I'm not the least bit afraid but I'd be lying. Truth is I'm not sure if I'm ready to face whatever's coming. Actually I  am ready to get my result because let's face it, we can't run or hide anymore. I'm just not ready to face the things that comes after getting them. Like, you know, applying for colleges or deciding on a course or having to leave home and be a part of society. I'm pretty sure that majority of my friends are experiencing the same thing. It's just so unimaginably nerve-wrecking I tell you. Oh and lets not forget the EXPECTATIONS that we have to fulfill. Teachers, family, friends. But I don't mind that much because having people expect things from you is completely normal. Just as normal as you having expectations for others. So it's fine.

Therefore, as cliche as it may sound, whether you fail or succeed,  just keep moving forward and keep on striving. As they say, things change, people leave, and life doesn't stop for anybody.

Whatever happens, don't dwell on it. Just. don't. dwell. on. it.

*smiles*

Tanya iman.

Aku cemburu melihat
khusyuknya mereka menadah tangan pada Tuhan
aku cemburu melihat
wajah mereka
yang terpancar cahaya
merindukan Tuhan
aku cemburu melihat
asyiknya mereka berbicara
tentang cinta Tuhan
sedang aku..?

Usaha.

Jika betul
kita sudah berserah kepada Allah
setelah berusaha
kenapa mesti bersedih
dan mengeluh?

Mungkin
kita belum berserah sepenuhnya
atau mungkin
usaha belum cukup?

*tutup muka cari lubang*

Cobaan.

4A1B3C1D

Aku rasa result kali ni memang teruk. Teruk sampai nak nangis. Rasa nak nangis sampai tak terkeluar air mata. Biasalah orang akan kata, takpe. usaha lagi. SPM ada.
Aku sendiri pon memang tengah convincekan diri sendiri untuk mencari hikmah. Sebab apa2 yang berlaku kat kita ni mesti ada hikmah. Mesti ada sesuatu yang Allah nak ajar aku ni. Agak obvious la Allah nak suruh aku kuatkan usaha. Allah nak suruh aku rendah hati. Sebab aku tahu sebenarnya jauh dalam hati aku ni, I feel that tinyyyy bit of arrogance in my heart masa dapat result untuk periksa sebelum2 ni. Macam la result bagus2 yang aku dapat sebelum ni 100% usaha aku sendiri kan.

Salah.
Result yang bagus2 semua datang dari Allah.
Reuslt yang tak bagus, though it's hard to admit, is actually salah kita sendiri.
Arrogant. Malas. Lemah.
Bila aku betul2 realize mana silap aku, memang rasa macam satu tamparan hebat kena tepat kat muka. Yang ni baru terkeluar air mata. Memang la vexing tengok orang lain dapat result gempak2. But you have no one to blame but yourself, oh dear me.

"Stop feeling disappointed. The best thing you can do now is to learn from your mistakes, don't repeat them and work harder"

"Sometimes, Allah menguji at our weakest point"

"It's okay to be sad..yang penting kita bangkit daripada kesedihan tu dan teruskan usaha"

"Jangan berhenti berdoa. Jangan putus asa daripada rahmat Allah. Hanya Allah yang boleh mengizinkan sesuatu tu berlaku"

"Yakin dengan diri sendiri. Terus berusaha. Jangan bagi ruang kat syaitan untuk downkan kita"

Dah takde masa nak main2. Dah takde masa nak pandang belakang. Walau sakit dan takut macam mana pon diri ini, kena terus pandang ke hadapan.

Ya Allah, kuatkan hatiku. Permudahkan segala urusanku.

The Most Forgiving.

I am so scared for the day I have to stand before my Master

A day when no excuse can be given 

A day when all truth will be revealed

A day when I am accountable for all my actions

This is the day of justice

of punishment

of forgiveness

and this is the day 

of His Mercy

I am convinced that if we sincerely seek for Allah's Forgiveness 

He will forgive us

But I still feel like I don't have any guts to own up to my own faults on that Day. 

Oh Allah, forgive me.